If you’ve ever lost an argument and walked away thinking, “What did I do wrong? Why didn’t they get it?”, you’re not alone. Mastering the art of how to be persuasive is not about being loud; it’s about getting other people to want to hear you.
Whether you’re fighting for a raise, struggling for a great idea in a meeting, or simply attempting to win a family argument without knocking over the dinner table, persuasion is a skill that can be learned by anybody.
Thanks to these five fascinating TED Talks we are going to present to you, you will now have insight directly from experts in law, media, communication, and behavioral science.
The good news? You don’t have to be the loudest voice in the room to be influential. In fact, say these speakers, influence comes from speaking less, listening more, and, most surprisingly, knowing when to remain silent.
These are the five TED Talks that will flip your expectations on their head, turn your argument around, and allow you to actually change minds, not just yell at people.
1. Julian Treasure – “How to Speak So That People Want to Listen”
Julian Treasure is a sound consultant with the soothing, gentle voice of an audiobook narrator. He feels that our voices are instruments, and we’re playing them mostly wrong.
In his popular TED Talk, he describes the seven deadly sins of speech: gossip, judging, negativity, complaining, excuses, exaggeration, and dogmatism. And, naturally, he gives you permission to ditch small talk made up of complaints.
Instead of talking rapidly or trying to talk over the other person, Treasure recommends focusing on vocal techniques that attract and draw others in to listen further: softening, slowing, stressing, and perhaps best of all, the use of silence.
He compares speech to music, and silences, he adds, are like the pauses between musical notes: they give weight to what you have just said.
His message? You don’t have to yell to be heard; you just have to be purposeful and straight to the point.
2. Niro Sivanathan – “The Counterintuitive Way to Be More Persuasive”
What if adding additional evidence to support your case weakened it?
That is exactly what organizational behavior professor Niro Sivanathan found out in his own tests. He calls it the “dilution effect,” the psychological principle by which good arguments are watered down when you pile poor or irrelevant ones on them.
It’s “less is more” when it comes to persuading.
In an experiment, individuals were presented with a strong argument and a weak argument. The result? The weak argument clouded the overall perception of the case.
Sivanathan’s recommendation is to emphasize your strongest two or three supporting facts and eliminate the rest.
If you’re one of those individuals who over-prepare and then shower their opponent with facts, this speech will change the way you conduct your next argument. Yes, it’s a game-changer for anyone who is learning how to win an argument.
3. Sally Kohn – “Let’s Try Emotional Correctness”
Sally Kohn has been living in the lion’s den of public conversation, having first served as a progressive presence on right-wing network Fox News and now as a regular on CNN and MSNBC.
What she discovered astonished her: her most substantive conversation did not come from those agreeing with her, but from those who felt heard by her, even when disagreeing.
Her concept of “emotional correctness” flips traditional argument tactics on their head. Rather than attempting to be right, Kohn attempts to be in touch and connected.
When individuals feel heard and understood, they’re more open to letting their guard down and hearing you out, even if your values or politics are precisely opposite.
It’s a reminder that persuasion is a two-way street. You can’t force your way into somebody’s belief system; you have to come in through the door that they open. Connection trumps conviction.
4. Neal Katyal – “How to Win an Argument (At the U.S. Supreme Court or Anywhere)”
Neal Katyal has argued more than 45 cases before the U.S. Supreme Court, yet you’d never suspect from his humility on stage. His secret to persuasion? Compassion, curiosity, and the bravery to admit when you might not know it all.
Katyal warns against the confusion of confidence and credibility, saying,
“Confidence is the enemy of persuasion.”
What convinces in life and in the courthouse is empathy. That takes more than knowledge of the law, but knowledge of the people who made the law.
It’s not just about how to win arguments, but how to understand the emotions that surround them.
He also asserts that it’s okay to re-argue lost arguments. Oftentimes, it’s not necessarily about who did it better the first time around; it’s about who showed up again and again with more wisdom the second time around.
To students of the craft of how to persuade, Katyal’s lesson is both empowering and humbling:
- The goal is not to dominate the conversation, but to enrich it.
- Cultivate empathy, not arguments.
5. Julia Dhar – “How to Disagree Productively and Find Common Ground”
Behavioral economist Julia Dhar has one thing she’d like to get across: convincing others starts with being willing to change your own mind.
That’s right, the next time you show up for your debate armed and ready, ask yourself: am I prepared to be persuaded, too? Because if not, then your opponent probably won’t be, either.
Dhar shows how to have more effective arguments: attack the ideas, not individuals. Keep a person’s identity separate from their opinion. And above all, highlight shared goals.
Once you know you’re not arguing with each other, you’re arguing for a better solution, and everything is different.
Her concept of debate isn’t merely civil, it’s collaborative. It’s not about being the brightest person in the room; it’s about being the most inquisitive.
The New Rules of Persuasion
What all of these five TED Talks have in common is this: the strongest arguments are not made to dominate a person, but to connect.
They’re showing that to get better at changing minds, you need to change the way you talk. It’s not about being louder. It’s not about being more “right.” It’s about being real, and sometimes quiet enough to actually hear what someone else is saying.
From the Supreme Court to Facebook, how to be persuasive cannot have a straightforward answer just like that.
It is more about learning to master the dance between logic and empathy, facts and feelings, clarity and curiosity. And if you can get the balance just right? That’s when people begin to listen.
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